I must be loved (holding on bananas)

In life what we expect n desire utmostly from our hearts is not always fulfilled ,we desire happiness but it seems like happiness doesnt stay for long time in our lives n passes by in such a short time that we r in scarcity of it again n again . we feel like we are in some kinda trap for a long time .One of the most common traps created are what we can call bananas. A banana is something our mind tells us we have to have to hang on to even when trying to hang on to it brings us nothing but misery and illness. It is a kind of fixation in which we imagine we have to try and live up to somebody elses standards lovable, successful, obedient, etc. the bananas many people live by are one of the prime reasons for unhappiness.
In some parts of Africa they still use a traditional way to catch a monkey. The hunter will make a small wicker basket, with bars wide enough apart for a monkeys paw. Then he will find a grove where the monkeys live and put it on the ground with a banana inside. Then the hunter hides up a tree. Sooner or later a monkey will come along and inspect the basket. Finding the banana the monkey grasps it and holds on tight. But the bars arent wide enough for it to withdraw its hand while holding a banana. So it waits. And waits. It is still waiting when the hunter throws a net over it and hauls it off to the market.
now We know a monkeys brain is only a little smaller than that of a human. You would think it was smart enough to let go of the banana. The reason it doesnt is not because it is stupid but because its demand for the banana is stronger than any instinct for survival. The same principle applies to human beings. All of us have bananas we hold on to for dear life, even when holding on is against our best interests. One thing that stops people changing is fear of what will happen to them if they let go of the banana.
Here are some common bananas:
�I have to be successful.
�I must have more money.
@I must be loved.
�I must not show anger.
�I must be a good person.
�I have to help people.
�I must not be selfish .
Holding on to any of these bananas is hard work and can lead us to self torture. Until we learn to let go we may have to go through a draining routine of trying to please others, taking on ever more overtime in order to earn that bonus, putting up with abuse, taking on other peoples burdens and swallowing our own frustration when all this gets too much for us. In some cases, when we realise that our efforts earn us no thanks or gratitude, we might become resentful. Losing sight of the fact that no one ever asked us to hold on to the banana, we start to blame others and, even to try and get revenge through hurtful words and behaviour. Now we have added conflict with others to the list of environmental pressures that we have to cope with.
These banana statements all contain the words must, should or have to. There is nothing in itself wrong with wanting to be a good parent, making money or wanting to be loved. But there will always be times when we make mistakes, suffer financial loss or lose the affection of a partner. And if we cannot accept that sometimes we are not good parents, that we wont have much money, or that we may have to be single for a while, then we are in trouble. We will worry about things, trying ever harder to get back what it is we cant do without, rather like a junkie hurrying around trying to get his next fix. We end by overloading ourselves with burdens .
The more we try and hold on to the banana the more we lose touch with ourselves and our deepest emotional needs. Worst of all we end up feeling trapped, helpless and the victim of circumstances. How do we release a banana? The first step is to realise we have one. This can be difficult as we often see our own bananas as necessities that we cant do without. If they are pointed out to us we may say things like But everybody wants more money! or Thats just the way I am I cant say no to someone who needs me. To many people their bananas are part of an unchangeable reality just the way things are. They miss the fact that, under the influence of other peoples rules, and conditioning, they have turned desirable qualities into obsessions. It is natural to want to be helpful and kind, to do our best in our work, to make the best of our talents and to make enough money to support those we love. But when these wishes become all-or-nothing fixations in which we never give ourselves time to nurture ourselves then the cage traps us.
The simplest way out of the trap is to do the direct opposite of whatever we were doing while we were still holding the banana. Instead of working more, we work less. Instead of seeking revenge, we ask for reconciliation. Instead of repressing our anger we find a way to express it constructively. All these moves require that we take a risk and give up the habits of a lifetime. Many people find this difficult, scary and even strange at first. They may also have to be firm in dealing with people who have long been used to the way they were. But the emotional benefits are enormous and so is the eventual impact on their health. Dear i know if we could apply this in our life -our life will be definitely different ,lets give it a try.
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